alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
