i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
