Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
