so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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