I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
