This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
