he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
