i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
