Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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