My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
