You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
