I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We are two peas in an std pod
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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