When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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