But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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