Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
sex in a hospital.. check
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
