Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
barbara walters just said penis...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
