I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
