Plan B is the new Plan A
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize