So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
