You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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