I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
