Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize