Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
