My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do vagina's smell?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
