Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
