i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
