True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
