I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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