you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
