Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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