It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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