Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
