I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
