Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Boobs speak an international language.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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