I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
