I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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