There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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