And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
