guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
