I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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