Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
