dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
