hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
