I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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