the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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