Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
