whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
