Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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