and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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