i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
