the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think your dad took our porno
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
