I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
