thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
