So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
