and she was petting her beer can
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
