It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
