i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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