I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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