Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
