My boss' voice literally gives me gas
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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