fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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