I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
