the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
