So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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