i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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