That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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