Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
