I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
