my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
