Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
