My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
