weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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