imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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