K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize