Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize