they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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