she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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