He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
