He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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